


Dark Matters

by smolhombre



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Decisions, Character Study, Dark, Decisions, F/M, Ficlet, Introspection, season two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 17:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11109585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolhombre/pseuds/smolhombre
Summary: Caitlin makes a decision.





	Dark Matters

Superpowers are commonplace in STAR Labs, Central City, and Caitlin Snow’s life. Her old one, and then her new one.

Or, was it her third one, now? She’s running out of luck, maybe this was bound to happen eventually; there’s only so many times you can stop, start, and begin again like a hard reset button. Only so many times you can start fresh in the same skin.

Regardless.

Barry is Fast, and Cisco is Good, and Wells (Her-Wells, Thawne-Wells, and then the Other-Wells) is Smart. Caitlin is Loyal. Caitlin Loves.

( _Well_ , she reasons. _I am also smart, at least. And for a while, anyway, I was decent_.)

But every superpower and super-person has an Achilles’ Heel: Barry is reckless, Cisco is soft, Wells is arrogant.

Caitlin can’t stop loving.

She thinks she does, until something dumb happens. The light hits just right, even on the wrong Earth, she accepts a coffee from his familiar, long-fingered hands, he passes close enough she catches a whiff of his skin. It’s enough to make her forget, and what does that really say about her?

Dumb. Little. Weak.

He knows, she realizes that after a while. He knows when she forgets. She’s never been playing her own game, only his.

Caitlin looks around the police station and thinks. The coffee in her hands is still warm, he still made it the way she likes. It’s little, but it’s enough to feed that part of her that wants him to be good. For them to still be good.

He stopped, when she told him to spare the police. He remembered she likes her coffee the same color of a Werther’s caramel, no sugar. He just undid her handcuff, just there.

What more can a girl ask for?

“You know what happens if you try to run.”

Caitlin takes a very deep breath before looking him in the eye. She loves him, a little, but she isn’t a lovesick fool. She hates him, too. Sometimes.

“Will you remind me one time, in case I forget? My imagination is all run out of juice after sitting here chained to a desk for the past few hours, thinking about what you’ll do. I think I need a little help.”

Jay leans down, and his eyes shine her own reflection back at her. She’s terrified, Caitlin can see that, but her chin is jutted out. That’s good.

He cups her jaw. The glove is a kevlar composite crosspolymer, not as finely constructed as Cisco’s suits. Caitlin thinks she knows now it’s on purpose. Jay is dramatic, she loves him sometimes, still, anyway.

“Ramon would be proud of that comeback.”

“Don’t talk about them.”

The hand squeezes. “That’s not a very nice thing to say.”

“I’m not feeling very nice. I think it’s the company I’ve been keeping.”

Jay squats down in front of her fully. Both of his hands are on her now, and even though the material of his suit chafes roughly and they are the same hands she’s seen him murder with, she doesn’t tense up underneath them. She can’t make herself do it.

“And yet, you haven’t even looked towards the door.”

“Is this the part where you give me an ultimatum?” She whispers. “Would you please just tell me and get it over with?”

“You’ve never been impatient.”

“I’m not feeling much like myself.”

“I want you to choose to stay,” he murmurs. “For me. For us.”

“Us?” Caitlin thinks she’s going to have a stroke.

He kisses the side of her mouth. “We can make it work.”

“ _We_ don’t want to,” she chokes out.

Jay sits back on his heels, shrugging. His face is closed off and unreadable. It’s cold.

“If that’s the case, walk. I will go out there, and talk to my friends, and give you time to leave. You’re free to go.”

Jay smiles at her pleasantly. She raises her eyebrow.

“And after you let me go?”

“If you don’t want to be with me, we won’t be. You’ll be no different from anyone else I make an example of. You get everything you want.”

Caitlin leans forward. Their noses brush.

“What I want is for you to still be Jay Garrick, not Zoom, not a serial killer, and not on Earth-1. I want you to leave my friends alone. I want you to not be evil and holding me hostage.”

“You want all that because you won’t feel guilty about how you feel. Selfish. That’s good.”

“You can’t give me what I want, it’s impossible. It doesn’t matter what my reasons for it wanting are.”

Jay kisses her temple before rising. He’s smiling at her indulgently like he’s humoring a child or a dog or something not-Caitlin as he slips his mask back on. When he speaks again, his voice is the distorted rumble of a wind tunnel, a black hole.

(Of course, a black hole doesn’t _really_ make noise, by virtue of being a _black hole_ and all, _but_ \--)

“The reasons always matter, Caitlin.”

He’s gone. She’s alone. She’s free.

If she stays, she could stop him, maybe. She could buy them time. He’s listened to her before.

If she stays, she can be a hero, too.

Maybe.

If she stays, she could coax the parts of him out that were salvageable. She didn’t give up on Ronnie, and they saved him.

And they killed him. If her record continues, both parts of her will win. That would sure be a change.

Maybe that’s her actual superpower, upon closer inspection. Not love, but loss.

Caitlin is tired of losing.

She dials the old desk phone and listens to three rings with her heart in her throat.

“Do you trust me?”

“Cait-- _Caitlin_?!”

“Do you trust me, Cisco?”

“I -- what? Where are you? Are you okay? Your signal -- the police station? You’re still there? We’ll be -- we’re on our way.”

“ _Don’t_. Don’t. I just wanted to call…”

Her chest is twisting on itself, folding into infinitely smaller pieces, dense as mercury. It’s frozen there, in place, tight and solid and stagnant. A weight she’ll never lose. Caitlin knows that, already. She has a vibe, too. She hangs up.

“...You’re here.”

Caitlin looks up. His mask is still on. Zoom's mask. Hunter's mask. Not Jay's. Not Jay.

She stands more easily that she expected. Her lips are so dry its painful.

“I’m here. I chose.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm binge-ing The Flash and suffering. Any feedback appreciated. Thanks for reading!!


End file.
